Just random thoughts and conversation thread

[Koen]

..and don´t wanna be into a luxury seek and destroy term, just wear a burka (LOOL)

Now that would really draw attention to myself.  I'd rather just try and blend into the background, thanks.

Mind you if I WAS looking for attention, I'd walk into the bar wearing this 



if you would wear that we will turn our heads but you don't want to hear our comments...

[Rattler]

..and don´t wanna be into a luxury seek and destroy term, just wear a burka (LOOL)

Now that would really draw attention to myself.  I'd rather just try and blend into the background, thanks.

Mind you if I WAS looking for attention, I'd walk into the bar wearing this  

That is you? Lots of heels! Let´s for a second seriously assume that that was your idea (to draw turned heads), would you dare? Not that I´d mind or think bad of you, might even find it impressive (in my photographer profession often went into a normal bar in gala outfit during a break, living with the ladies turned heads and the guys jealous glows), just wondering.

The Spanish are more practical: Every morning of JAN 1, there is a market outside the discos after 0700, where the gals and guys can get more comfortable, exchaning high heels for simple fluffy "slippers" (usually pink), it is a pity I could find no vids, they were sooooo great on the news JAN 1!  



Rattler

[Jilly]

I'm sure I'd get some comments if I wore that, koen.  

[Jilly]

No that's not me,  Rattler.  

I'd have trouble walking in those shoes lol.  I'm  a hiking girl.

[Jilly]

Let's discuss this concept of SOULMATES.

Quote:  A soulmate is somebody with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.



Does the above sound like a good description of what a soulmate means to you?  Apart from Rattler, (who already has a soul mate),  would you say that you have come across your own soulmate as yet?  Do you think you ever will?  Do you even believe in this concept?   

[Rattler]

wasnt finished, see the EDIT.

Rattler

[Rattler]

Let's discuss this concept of SOULMATES.- snip- Apart from Rattler -snip-, would you say that you have come across your own soulmate as yet?  Do you think you ever will?  Do you even believe in this concept?

Ok, as a a ladies wish is my command always, I will keep away from this discussion until it becomes unbearable...

Rattler

[Jilly]

Rattler,  you are not exempt from this discussion.   You can probably tell us a lot about what it's like having a soulmate,  from your personal experience.

I do believe in the concept,  but I think most people never do or ever will find their soulmate,  so far,  I haven't found mine.  But then again,  I have been busy with other things....  just surviving being one of them.

[Jilly]

This is more my style of 'shoe'.  Good for the Canadian winters:         

 

[Rattler]

Rattler,  you are not exempt from this discussion.   You can probably tell us a lot about what it's like having a soulmate,  from your personal experience.

I truely think I can, but I will wait for others to state their POV, just let me state there is not necessarily only *one* from my POV.

Rattler

[Jilly]

I disagree,  Rattler.  There is only *one* soulmate for all of us.  And most of us will never mind that person.  If you feel that you have many or quite a few,  you are confusing what a 'soulmate' is to a 'good friend'.  There's a big difference.

[FACman]

I don't know if Im qualified to speak of soulmates, but I can say that on more than a few occasions a week, Mary and I will finish each others thoughts or respond to what the other is thinking without prompting. It happens far to often to be coincidence in my opinion. I suspect Rupert Shelldrake may be on to something, but I shall leave that to greater intellect than I can profess to explain.

[Jilly]

FACman,  you're as qualified as anyone else to talk of soulmates.

I'm not even sure there is such a thing,  I've never personally seen or felt it.  But people do talk about it.  Intellect has nothing to do with it,  I reckon it is more profound then that.

[Jilly]

37 things you should never apologize for (and why).

1. Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Listening to your body – then taking action on what you hear – is the hallmark of heroic people.

2. Never apologize for all the tears you’ve cried. Crying cleanses the soul. Shoot for once a month. Even if it’s just a brief mist at a tender moment in a sad movie.

3. Never apologize for anything in your portfolio. If you feel the need to do so, it probably doesn’t belong in your portfolio in the first place.

4. Never apologize for asking for what you need. The answer to every question you DON’T ask is always no.

5. Never apologize for asking questions. When you stop asking questions, you don’t just run out of answers – you run out of hope.

6. Never apologize for asserting yourself. The word “assert” comes from the Latin asserere, which means, “to claim, maintain or affirm.” And that’s exactly what you’re entitled to: Your opinion. Your belief. Your say. Let nobody take it away from you.

7. Never apologize for being a health nut. Next time someone says, “What are you, on a diet or something?” look them straight in the eye and say, “Yeah – you got a problem with that?” Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.

8. Never apologize for being a newbie. Everyone great chess master was once a beginner.

9. Never apologize for following your heart, whereever that may lead.

10. Never apologize for being funny. The world is too damn serious. We need you. Seriously.

11. Never apologize for being human. Once you do, you’re no longer human – you’re a cyborg.

12. Never apologize for being passionate. Unless you’re passionate about stabbing strangers with broken Coke bottles.

13. Never apologize for being smart. That’s the ONE thing the government, the media (and every other entity that’s trying to control you) is terrified of: Smart people who take action. Be one of those people.

14. Never apologize for being the age that you are. It’s just a number. “A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird,” as my Grandpa likes to say.

15. Never apologize for breaking a rule that isn’t really a rule. Be proud of yourself for being a rule breaker. Then go break another one.

16. Never apologize for calling BS on someone. Especially when nobody else is the room is going to do it and this person REALLY needs to be taken to task.

17. Never apologize for demanding respect. If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first, you’re good to go.

18. Never apologize for disagreeing. Especially if you do so respectfully. On the other hand, if you’re disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, or because of your pathological need to be right, that’s a different story.

19. Never apologize for expressing yourself. That’s all “leadership” is: The full, free expression of your truth. Don’t say you’re sorry for that.

20. Never apologize for falling in love. Your heart’s calling the shots.

21. Never apologize for falling OUT of love. Your heart’s still calling the shots – even when you throw up an air ball.

22. Never apologize for getting something off your chest. That which you suppress will find a home in your body. And then it will trash the place.

23. Never apologize for giving it your best shot. As my Grandpa also reminds me, “You do the best you can with as many as you can.”

24. Never apologize for growing up privileged. As long as you scrap the entitlement attitude, remain grateful for everything you’ve ever been given and respect the life situation of those who are less fortunate, it’s all good.

25. Never apologize for having an overabundance of love in your life. Instead, circulate what you’ve got. Pay it forward. Share it. People need it. Especially St. Louis Rams fans. God we suck.

26. Never apologize for lack of experience. Instead, share your Learning Plan; demonstrate your dedication to lifelong learning and practice becoming the world’s expert at learning from your experiences.

27. Never apologize for lack of information. Ignorance is acceptable. Staying ignorant, however, is stupid.

28. Never apologize for liking stupid movies. Movie snobs annoy me. Some of my favorite movies are among the most ridiculous films ever made. So I love Road House. Sue me.

29. Never apologize for living your truth. Few things in the world are more important.

30. Never apologize for looking out for yourself. Self-preservation is a primary driver of human behavior. It’s how we’re wired.

31. Never apologize for loving yourself. If you do, you probably don’t love yourself as much as you thought.

32. Never apologize for making a decision from the heart. Remember: It’s not thee truth – it’s YOUR truth.

33. Never apologize for needing alone time. Solitude is soil. Solitude is medicine. And if you don’t get your fix every day, your life will suffer.

34. Never apologize for having to grow up poor,  it builds character.

35. Never apologize for not being there when someone called. You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly by the phone all hours of the day.

36. Never apologize for not embracing someone else’s agenda. Especially if that agenda robs you of your true talent.

37. Never apologize for occasional absentmindedness. Everyone’s brain farts.

[Rattler]

Jilly, my list is much shorter:

1. Never apologize for something you did in good faith (with the exception of...):

2. Always apologize for having hurt someone unintentionally.

No need for long lists if you follow an ethical system (and the lists will always miss a situation anyway).

This said, there are some funny/disputable ones in your list:

- 5. Never apologize for asking questions. When you stop asking questions, you don’t just run out of answers – you run out of hope.

Indeed, my take is "there are no stupid questions, there are only stupid answers"

7. -snip- Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.

ROFL, OK with me though I won´t touch it (anymore).

11. Never apologize for being human. Once you do, you’re no longer human – you’re a cyborg.

Does this imply that I would have to apologize for being an alien/cyborg?

17. Never apologize for demanding respect.

BS from my POV. Respect is *earned* (and credited), not demanded, in my book.

35. Never apologize for not being there when someone called. You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly by the phone all hours of the day.

I beg to differ: If you wanted to and dint make it, see my system above, do not apologize. If you offered that (and even if it was just implicitly) got asked and were not there, shame on you. Same actually on the author, because his interpretaion is all but malevolant.

Rattler

[Jilly]

How do you earn respect from the new recruits who you are in command of?  You don't.  You have to demand it.

[Rattler]

How do you earn respect from the new recruits who you are in command of?  You don't.  You have to demand it.

No.

"Demand"? On what basis? Because you have the means to apply pressure (like: "Say another word and I have you arrested!" - Alternatively, outside army: "Say that again, and I will ruin your career!")? I assure you you won´t get respect from those guys *that* way... Means of pressure are fine (and you should never be afraid to use them to get the one whacko in your class/group/troop under control if you cannot do otherwise - but this should *absolutely* be the last resort and probably means you have failed to *earn* respect earlier).

I have done instructor in various jobs through my time in and out the army, the latter with recruits out of basic training (and entering on red carpet myself!), you still have to earn it: The stars/stripes won´t  get it all by themselves, and usually it is the first 2-4 hours where you lay the base, I won´t reveal my methods here, but I am sure about the substanc: Respect is given (and not demanded: Demand all you want if you don´t earn it, the only consequence is that you will end up being seen ridiculous), at first moment it might be credited voluntarily because of your status/rank, but then, because you earn it, if you do not prove your  are respect worthy it is lost on others (as in school, actually, try and remember the teachers that you respected and the ones you didnt, I am sure all wanted you to respect them, but towards one you gave respect because they - from your POV - had earned it, to others not...! And I am also sure you always first offered and were ready to give respect in the first class you met them, just because they wore the "teacher" plaquard...).

Respect will only be awarded to a personality, not to a plaquard, it is a credit thing that comes with a hypotheque, you either comply or don´t, but, as towards your bank, you cannot "demand" it, you can either "confirm" or "lose" it.

Let us take it to another extreme to show what I mean: Your husband, just because being married to you, from starters has a respect credit with you, but then, during the matrimonie´s years, he will either earn (confirm) it or you will lose it towards him, howevermuch he might demand it you might well end up seeing a clown when you look at him (and reverse, of cause).

Rattler

[Jilly]

Hmm...that's what happens when you take just a part of what is written and try and make it into something else.  Now let's see,  here's the whole again:

17. Never apologize for demanding respect. If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first, you’re good to go.

 (although there is never any guarantee of  receiving it, sometimes no matter what you do).  
 

Take in the bolded  part as well, Rattler.

I DO disagree with having to earn the respect of new recruits,  how will you get them to follow all your orders when you haven't had a chance to *earn* their respect.?  In some cases  respect has to be demanded or it could be very detrimental to the larger group,  especially in combat.   Okay,  I've never been in that situation, but it seems like common sense to me.  I think FACman and others would be the best to comment on this one.

[Rattler]

Jilly, you are mixing authority with respect, methinks. As commander I have the authority to give orders (and can demand they be followed), be it with or without my guys respecting me (though I will have it a lot easier if they do).

Re: Your bolded section: 1st: Even when and if you have "demonstrated that you deserve it" you cannot *demand* respect. 2nd: You do not demonstrate that you deserve respect "by giving it to others first" (though showing respect where due is well wrothwile, and doing so in front of others is good for their learning), it is usually fairly small things that earn you respect that do not even necessarily have to do with the field you are working in.

Anyway, all said from my side now, let others chime in.

Rattler

[Koen]

Jilly, don't go into 'overkill'...give us time to discuss your 1st statement/question before starting a 2nd one