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Author Topic: ATTENTION ALL: Spanish National Police Warns of Dangerous Fugitive  (Read 1559 times)
Rattler
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« on: 24 December 2009, 13:25:59 »
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Just thought I would share this with the community, as I know you all are street wise and can make your conclusions.

Spanish Policia Nacional today, DEC 24, alerted to a Major Criminal that they had already had their hands on and had located him close to the North Pole, when he suddenly escaped this morning. A quick description o the fugitive and how to react when you see him:

Quote
Name: Unknown, uses various alias, "Papa Noel", "Nikolaus", "Santa Claus", "Kris Kringle", "Saint Nicholas", "Saint Nick", "Sinter Klaas" among them

Description:

Sex:
Nationality:
Date of Birth:
Place of Birth:
Height:
Weight:
Build:
Hair:
Eyes:
Complexion:
Scars_and_Marks:
Occupation:
Remarks:

Male
N/A
N/A
N/A
Average
Over
Stocky
White
N/A
Pale/Rosy Cheeks
King Beard to hide his face, Sometimes seen wearing eyeglasses.
Busting houses through the chimney, strangely never robs anyting
Most likely to be seen around November/December. In recent years has been seen earlier and earlier. Sometimes seen on TV in June/July selling Christmas Albums. Disappears after December 25th.

Charges:

UNLAWFUL FLIGHT TO AVOID PROSECUTION (BY SLEIGH);
BRIBERY (GOOD KIDS ONLY);
TAX FRAUD (NO TAX PAID ON WORKERS/NO TAX COLLECTED ON GOODS/NEVER FILED PERSONAL TAX RETURN);
BREAKING AND ENTERING;
PERSONAL PROPERTY DAMAGE (SLEIGH/REINDEER RELATED);
FAA FLIGHT VIOLATIONS (FAILURE TO FILE FLIGHT PLAN);
RACKETEERING INFLUENCED AND CORRUPT ORGANIZATIONS (RICO);
CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT EXTORTION (MUST BE ON 'GOOD' LIST TO RECEIVE PRESENT);
DISTRIBUTION OF ILLEGAL NARCOTICS ( MAKES REINDEER 'FLY');
DISREGARDING CHILD LABOR LAWS (NO SUCH THING AS ELVES);
CONSPIRACY TO ATTACK NATIONAL DEFENSE (FAILURE TO SUPPORT ECONOMY BY MAKING OWN GOODS, IMPORTS STUFF FROM CHINA);
MAIL FRAUD

CAUTION!

A FAT, JOLLY MAN OFTEN SEEN WEARING A RED SUIT AND DRIVING A SLEIGH PULLED BY EIGHT (OR SOMETIMES NINE ON PARTICULARLY SNOWY/FOGGY NIGHTS) REINDEER IS THOUGHT TO ENTER RESIDENCES THROUGH FIREPLACES (ALTHOUGH LACK OF FIREPLACE DOES NOT SEEM TO DETER SUSPECT).

RUMMAGES THROUGH KITCHEN LOOKING FOR COOKIES/SWEETS AND MILK/HOT CHOCOLATE/EGG NOG AND LEAVES "GIFTS" BEHIND FOR GOOD KIDS EVERYWHERE.

CAN OFTEN BE FOUND SITTING ON ORNATE DECORATIVE CHAIR IN MALLS/PARADES/PARTIES, RINGING BELLS OUTSIDE OF STORES AND ON STREET CORNERS BEGGING FOR MONEY FOR "CHARITY".

SELLS CONSUMER GOODS THROUGH TV/RADIO/PRINT ADS. IS MOST OFTEN SEEN IN DECEMBER BUT IS, ANNOYINGLY, BECOMING MORE COMMON IN STORES IN NOVEMBER AND EVEN OCTOBER.

CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS (HAS REINDEER AND IS NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM)

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE DO CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICIA NACIONAL OFFICE OR THE NEAREST SPANISH EMBASSY OR CONSULATE.

Reward

THERE IS NO REWARD OFFERED FOR SANTA CLAUS AT THIS TIME.

Photo:





In this sense, I wish you all a peaceful and undisturbed christmas!



Rattler
« Last Edit: 24 December 2009, 13:34:43 by Rattler » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: 25 December 2009, 07:20:15 »
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Solved,

TA

Quote
FBI BUSTS SANTA TERRORIST PLOT AS IT’S COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
December 24 2009

Kenosha, WI – Field agents for the Wisconsin bureau of the FBI responded to at what first seemed to be a Christmas burglary gone horribly wrong late on Christmas Eve. Local police initially responded to a complaint from a local resident where a man dressed as Santa Claus was found blocking a chimney. After a half dozen similar calls to local police, the FBI was called to investigate the cases.Santa climbing down chimney

“We have received calls from across the state with more or less the same complaint. Men in Santa suits being trapped in chimneys. While police on occasion do receive these calls during the season, this is the first time we have had such a widespread and orchestrated set of Santa mishaps,” said Drake Fuller, spokesperson for the Wisconsin bureau. “At first we thought we were being pranked, but we quickly realized that we were dealing with a much more significant and dangerous issue. We have responded to at twenty-seven calls from around the state. So far it appears that only two were the result of holiday cheer.”

Officially the bureau would not comment on the nature of the attacks, the identity of the Santa’s, nor what they believe the intentions behind the Ho-Ho assault. They did confirm that two suited suspects had expired while stuck in the chimneys.

“There could be a number of motives behind the attacks but I believe there are two real possibilities. One, that these terrorists were making an assault into private homes on an unexpected night, something like the Tet offensive. The second is that they were deliberately getting stuck to tie up emergency

I can’t imagine that anyone with half a brain would actually try to squeeze down a chimney as an actual attack,” said Scrape TV Terrorism analyst Doug Davids. “It’s a shame that people would try to exploit a revered holiday to further their own ends, especially a religious holiday. Of course if these people turn out to be Islamic terrorists they don’t seem to have much respect for their own religion, never mind other peoples.”

Current speculation runs that the attacks were centered in Wisconsin to throw off suspicion, and for the large number of turn of the century homes with chimneys capable of accommodating a grown person.

“I can’t think of any sensible reason to make an assault in Wisconsin aside from the fact that no one, absolutely no one would expect it. It’s just a good thing they didn’t Osama bin Laden as Santa Claus
go after the cheese or beer factories, or the Packers obviously. Santa is one thing, havarti is something else entirely,” continued Davids. “If this indeed does turn out to be terrorism, and of course it will then be Al Qaeda because they commit all terrorist acts, it will mark a new bold move for the organization. It also would mean that they aren’t aiming quite as high and that they are starting to recruit idiots. So this could either be a very scary move for the organization, or a very funny one.”

Officially the FBI has no comment on Al Qaeda’s move into comedy, nor the level of intelligence of the members of the organization. Reportedly none of the people pulled from the homes were carrying presents or naughty and nice lists.

“While this will definitely put a pall over the Christmas eves of a few families, it’s unlikely this will be a significant long term issue. After all, they’d only be able to get away with once a year,” concluded Davids. “Of course it will no doubt spark a rush on chimney protection. I just hope they don’t overdo it otherwise the real Santa will have problems getting down. If Santa can’t deliver his presents than the terrorists really have won.”  


Just FYI, sleep your hangovers off well through the holidays!

TA
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