The Military => Humor, Jokes and Fun in the Military => Topic started by: Rattler on 22 October 2009, 09:22:23

Title: Pilot/Aircraft Jokes
Post by: Rattler on 22 October 2009, 09:22:23
Stumbling on one of my old threads in another forum I suddenly remember I know a lot of pilot jokes, will post a few here:

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down.

The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he shouts again. They heave out a missile, and with that weight gone the pilot finally regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"

They apologize and drive on a little more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the foot!"

They apologize and keep driving. It´s then that they meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies: "You won´t believe it, I sneezed and a house blew up!"


Title: Re: Pilot/Aircraft Jokes
Post by: Rattler on 25 October 2009, 10:44:12
And anothere one, quite old but still good. This one treats (alllegedly true) Squawks.

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews (I have seen the same featured as from the RAF, IAF etc., so take them as jokes only)...

P = Problem as reported by crew     S = Solution as documented by mechanic

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics


Title: Re: Pilot/Aircraft Jokes
Post by: FACman on 25 October 2009, 18:58:22
I dont remember the exact phrasing, but the thought is hilarious...

Upon landing a commercial flight in Germany, ground control asked the pilot if he was familiar with the terminal layout.
The former WW2 bomber pilot responded, "Im afraid not, as the last time I was here was in 1944 and we weren't interested in landing!"